The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction
by Guestpersonanonymous
Summary: Have you ever wondered if your character might be a Mary-Sue? Did you ever think you weren't very good at making cryptic and intriguing prophecies? You might find the answers to your questions and more on this show titled The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! Follow Honeyshine and crew as they try to make a guide to writing stories about their world!
1. Mary Sues

**Disclaimer: I do not own Starkit/Starpaw/Stargleam/Gleamstar/Starstar, of Starkit's Prophecy. She belongs to XxDarkrosesxX, thankfully. **

**Guestperson here, with yet another story! Except, this story isn't quite like my other stories, because it's not just a story, but an informative one. It also contains a lot more humor and general silliness than my other stories. I made this in the interest of helping other writers make interesting and unique warriors stories, like I strive to do with my own three projects (which will most likely all become connected to each other over time). In the spirit of tying my stories to each other, I have supporting characters from these other stories to assist me in giving y'all suggestions and tips.**

**So what does this story have to offer you as a writer, exactly? Well, it will give you tips and tricks to making good characters, good plots, ****and also teaches you to recognize and understand popular types of stories (how do you tell a troll-fic is a troll-fic?) and the dreaded Mary-Sue, bane of all writers (except, of course, if you are writing a troll-fic). If you ever wanted to make a cryptic prophecy, or avoid creating a Mary-Sue, then allow this "show" to be your guide. **

**Honeyshine, take it away!**

**Episode One: Mary Sues**

"Gladly!" a fluffy, golden-furred she-cat exclaimed. She was sitting on a cushiony, red chair in the middle of a stage with glazed, golden-brown, wood-plank flooring. Her white-tipped paws were busy rearranging her fur in a tasteful fashion. She beamed up at the camera, and sat straight-backed in her chair. "Hello, viewers, welcome to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! I am your hostess, Honeyshine!"

She turns in her red chair to indicate a person sitting off-stage. The person was wearing a blue t-shirt, jeans, had glasses hanging on the bridge of her nose, messy blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a laptop sitting on her lap. She was staring at the screen with great concentration, earbuds plugged into her ears. Honeyshine beamed at the person, and waved her paw. "This is GP, the show's scriptwriter! Say hello, GP!"

"Hmm?" The girl said, lifting her eyes from the screen. She pulled her earbuds out, and looked at the gold and white she-cat imploringly. "Whatd'ya say, Honeyshine?"

"Isn't she just amazing?" The she-cat gushed, turning away from the rather confused writer to look back at the camera. "And our cameracat here is Pewter, but he doesn't talk much . . . then again, GP doesn't talk too much either." Reluctantly, the slate-gray tom turned his camera over so the viewers could see him. He stared back at them with half-lidded yellow eyes, and looked for all the world like he would rather be doing something else.

"And the other member of our crew is Fell, our security guard! Hi, Fell!" The camera pans over to a tiny white she-cat who is playing with a ball of moss. The she-cat looks up as Honeyshine introduces her, and squeaks happily.

"Aw, you're so cuuuuute," Honeyshine says, putting her paws to the side of her face. She bounces back around in her chair to stare into the camera. "Anyway, now that the crew's been all introduced, it's time to bring in my co-hosts!" The golden and white she-cat turns over to pick up a strange-looking remote controller. "First up . . ." She lifts up the remote and clicks a silver button towards the top. " . . . Smokepaw!"

The space next to Honeyshine on one of the vacant red chairs next to hers, a portal opens up, shining with red and silver light. With a yelp, a mottled black and gray tom flops into the chair, and the portal disappears with a distinct _pop_. With a groan, the tom sits up, and looks around in bewilderment. Then he turns and looks at Honeyshine with something akin to annoyance. "You guys gotta get a different method of transportation!"

Honeyshine shrugs apologetically. "Sorry, Smokey. Anyway, can you tell the audience why you were chosen to be on the show?"

The mottled tom's whiskers twitched with annoyance. "Okay . . . the author keeps mixing me and Swamppaw up in the story we're featured in, and she felt guilty about it so she decided to let me have a big role on this show." He sighed, and looked up over at Pewter and his camera. "And I'm seriously regretting taking GP up on her offer," he muttered under his breath.

"Brilliant!" Honeyshine said with a grin. She picked up her remote again. "Next up is . . . Brindle and Fox!"

Two portals simultaneously appeared over the two seats on Honeyshine's other side, and deposited a brown tabby and white she-cat over one seat, and a ginger and white she-cat over the other. The brown and white she-cat squeaks and rolls up to her feet. "B-Brindle . . reporting."

"Hello, you two!" Honeyshine exclaimed happily. "How are my two favorite she-cats?"

"Horrible."

"N-never better."

The two she-cats spoke at the same time, Fox curling up and glaring at the other cats present, while Brindle flops with a groan off her chair.

"Oh dear!" Honeyshine said, looking down at the unconscious she-cat. "Brindle dear, we're on air!" She sprang down, and began to tug at the brown and white she-cat worriedly.

Smokepaw huffed irritably. "See, what did I tell you? Those portal-things are an absolutely horrible method of traveling! I'm surprised I didn't pass out myself!"

"You said it," Fox grumbled, flicking her orange and white tail.

Honeyshine only grunted, for she was busy hoisting Brindle back into her seat. The tabby and white she-cat flopped lifelessly into the velvety chair, dead to the world. "Oooookay, then." The golden and white she-cat bounced back into her seat, and grabbed her remote again. "Now for Badgerkit!"

Once again, a portal of red-and-silver light appeared, this time over the last vacant chair, which was next to Smokepaw's. A tiny black and white tom appears, his fur glowing softly with something akin to starlight. Badgerkit shakes his head briskly, and turns to look at Honeyshine in bewilderment. "Wh-where am I?"

"On the set of The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction!" Honeyshine says enthusiastically. "We've started airing early!"

"Great," Badgerkit says, frowning.

"Oh, come on guys, it's not that bad!" GP calls from her seat off-stage. She has her arms crossed and her laptop deposited to the side.

"Are you kidding?" Smokepaw asks incredulously, raising a paw. "You're supposed to be updating your other stories, but instead, you decide to force some of your characters to give advice to other random two-legs that we could care less about, along with _this _she-cat—!" Honeyshine beams as Smokepaw points an accusing paw at her. "—and teach them how to torture their own enslaved cats! I'm sorry, but that sounds pretty bad to me!"

GP huffs, and brushes a stray strand of pale hair off her forehead. She presents a remote, and clicks it. A portal deposits a purple and white she-cat in the center of the stage, who lifts her eyelids to reveal rainbow irises. "Everyone," GP begins grimly. "Meet Stargleam."

"Kawaii!" The she-cat purrs, looking around the stage.

Fox hisses, her fur fluffing up as she recedes into her chair. "What kind of abomination is _that_?"

"Who? Me?" The purple "abomination" exclaims. She looks over at the ginger battle leader ecstatically, and it is apparent that she doesn't know what the word "abomination" means, for she purrs, and sits down to explain herself. "I am Gleamstar, Starstar, Starkit, Starpaw, and Stargleam!"

"Why don't you just have one name?" Badgerkit mews curiously, his brow furrowed in confusion.

The purple she-cat shrugs. "I don't know, I guess my creator was conflicted about which one fits me best."

"How about none of them?" Fox said dryly.

"Precisely, Fox," Honeyshine says, a list magically appearing in her paws as she adopts a suddenly more mature attitude. "Stargleam here, as we're going to call her, is going to help us today on the show."

"Hmm?" Brindle exclaims, finally stirring from unconsciousness.

"We're going to take this rainbow-eyed kitty and change her from a 'Sue to a believable character," Honeyshine says, pushing reading-glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Where did those come from?" Smokepaw asked quizzically.

"Wherever anything GP comes up with comes from," Honeyshine says with a shrug. She looks down at Stargleam, who is grooming her fur. "Alright, let's read through this list, lessee . . ."

**1. Avoid using strange or very pretty-sounding prefixes and suffixes. That is, no using things like Ruby, Gem, Angel, Demon, Winter, Sparkle, Pretty, Shining, et cetera. Moon, Sun, and Star are usually off-limits, but since Moon and Sun have been used by the Erins, they are technically usable. Star is a big no-no, though. Try using simple, "supporting-character-like" prefixes and suffixes, like, for example, Brackenpelt. It makes the character more relatable and realistic.**

"Alright," Honeyshine said, grabbing her trusty remote again. "First off, we've gotta give Stargleam here a new name. I dub thee . . . Dawntail! A pretty prefix balanced by a generic suffix." The golden and white she-cat nods, pleased with her work.

The newly renamed Dawntail looks up at Honeyshine in confusion. "Hey, you can't just change my name like tha—"

"Upupupup!" Honeyshine says quickly, interrupting the purple and white she-cat. "And yes, I _can_! Moving on to the next thing!"

**2. Give your cat a realistic appearance. No green, bright yellow, purple, pink, or flat-out red/blue fur (ginger is a substitute for red, and blue-gray for blur), please. And give your character realistic eye colors, too, unless they're intentionally mutated or magical, like the demons in one of my stories. Cat eyes can be blue, green, yellow, or amber. **

"Sorry, she-cat!" Fox purrs. "But the purple fur and rainbows have got to go!" Honeyshine eagerly rises her remote, and before Dawntail can tackle her, she presses a button. Before the cats' eyes, Dawntail's purple fur morphs into a tabby brown and white. Her rainbow irises are taken over by a dark amber, and the she-cat paws at her fur in dismay.

"I-I look so plain!" The brown tabby and white she-cat exclaims horrifically.

"Believe me, it's an improvement," Fox says, grinning toothily.

"What next!" Honeyshine squeals, sounding like a female two-leg looking for another outfit to try on while on a shopping spree. She unfurls her magical list.

**3. No powers. Unless they come with a price. For example, using the power brings the character great pain. **

"Thank StarClan," Honeyshine said. "I was worried she was going to remember she had powers before we got to this part. No brainwashing, coming back to life, and archangel whatever-ness for you anymore, Dawntail!"

"Wait, I had powers?" Dawntail asks, looking at her paws in surprise. Before she can figure out how to use said powers, Honeyshine presses a button on her remote. Dawntail screeches as a sudden bulge of white light flies from her forepaws into Honeyshine's device. The golden and white she-cat pats the remote contentedly, and smiles down at brown tabby and white Mary-Sue.

**4. Now for personality. Be prepared to give your character some faults, and weaknesses, and not just physical ones, but psychological ones, too. For example, let's say your character is tactless and says things without meaning to or thinking about it, first. **

"Tactless, eh?" Smokepaw says, putting a paw to his chin thoughtfully. "Give me that remote, I got just the thing." Grinning, Honeyshine gives the gray tom her magical device of supreme power.

"Not only are you taking away everything that made me special and beautiful, but now you're going to change the way my mind works?" Dawntail shrieks. "Absolutely not!" The brown tabby and white she-cat dives off the stage, and runs for the exit.

"Fell!" Honeyshine cries.

The tiny white kit, who is somehow in charge of security, squeaks, and abandons her moss ball to toddle over to Dawntail. The brown tabby and white she-cat stops in her tracks, and looks at Fell in surprise. The white she-kit stares up at her with what has to be the most adorable pair of big, blue eyes.

"Awwww," Dawntail coos, sitting down. The brown tabby seems to be put in a trance by the white kit's cuteness, completely forgetting about trying to escape. "You're so kawaii!"

"Quick, change her already!" Fox hisses.

"Got it!" Smokepaw says, pressing down the button Honeyshine had indicated. "Dawntail, you are now not a very smart cat, and it takes you a while to understand things. You get spooked easily, and hate fighting. You're loyal to your friends, and love kits."

Honeyshine nodded. "Good one, Smokey."

Dawntail looks up from Fell to look at the cats on stage with confusion. "Wh-where am I? Who are you?"

"We're up here, and you're supposed to be as well," Fox says testily.

"Are you sure you changed her personality too much?" Badgerkit exclaims skeptically, curled in his chair. "It didn't seem like she was very smart before."

"Hush, Badgerkit, don't be mean to our guest," Honeyshine says, looking down at the list. She clears her throat and reads the next entry on the list.

**5. When you make your character's history, don't make it too tragic or unusual, unless it pertains to the plot. Be realistic.**

"Alright," Honeyshine says, putting her list back on the stand next to her chair. "I don't know about you, but being the child of a blind medicine cat and a she-cat from another clan seems awfully unrealistic."

Brindle frowns. "What's a clan?"

Smokepaw ignores the Gray World she-cat's question, and lifts up Honeyshine's remote. "Alright, Dawntail, your parents were both warriors of ThunderClan. You saw your mother die in front of you when you were only a kit and she was defending the nursery, which is why you're so skittish. You have a lot of siblings, from three different litters. You're from the youngest litter, and your littermates' names are Gorsefang and Rushfeather. Your older siblings are named Juniperleap, Birdpelt, and Oakshadow. You have a friend named Redfoot. I think that's it." The gray tom coughed when he was done, and handed the remote back to Honeyshine.

"It seems we've covered everything!" Honeyshine declares, rolling up her list, and pointing the remote at Dawntail. "Thank you for helping us! I'll send you back now!" The brown tabby and white she-cat disappeared with a _pop_.

"Well, that was fun," Honeyshine says, sitting back. "But I think our viewers might be confused about something."

"And what would that be?" Brindle piped up.

"What exactly a Mary-Sue is!" The golden she-cat hopped off her chair and crossed to a whiteboard a little ways across the stage. She picked up a marker, and began writing. "To the best of our knowledge, a Mary-Sue is a 'perfect character', and is to be avoided by writers at all costs. However, what defines a perfect character?"

There was a period of silence from the other four cats before Badgerkit finally shrugged. "I don't know."

"Precisely," Honeyshine mews. "The term Mary-Sue is so encompassing, that it has to be split into different categories. Allow me to present the first category." The she-cat crossed her t's and dotted her i's, and then turned to present what she'd written down on the whiteboard.

**1. Self-Insertion: This type of 'Sue is created for one purpose; to put the writer in a world pre-established by a book, movie, cartoon, TV show, comic, anime, game, or other form of presenting fiction. **

"Picture this," Honeyshine says, raising her paws. "You've recently been sucked into a new fandom, and you've begun wishing that you could live in the world of this fandom. Maybe you have a favorite character who you would fall in love with, or want to be a hero and accomplish something great. Either way, you start writing a fan fiction with an OC that's rather flat and boring, created with only one thing in mind. This is the most common type of Sue, and one of the hardest to pick out for yourself, the writer. Just remember, the next time you start writing a fan fiction, ask yourself; is this character based off of you? If that is a yes, than you might want to reconsider what you're writing."

The golden and white she-cat turned back to the board. "Don't get me wrong though, it's good to have a character that is relatable to the writer. It's nigh impossible to write about a character that isn't anything like you. Take maybe a couple traits about you and pack that character with some different flaws and strengths and you don't have to worry about having a Self-Insertion Sue."

**2. Tragic Sue: This Sue has a horrible history, like having had her family die. Characters that hate her are all antagonists (meaning the "bad guys" of the story), and characters that like her are her supporting characters. Tragic Sue spends most of the story moping around, and somehow pulls through in the end, most likely making a great sacrifice to defeat the main villain. The characters that disliked her all end up suffering somehow, no matter how justified their disliking of her is. **

"There are many stories on this site that are centered around the main character being under appreciated, and end up proving themselves against all odds. Think about your story if it's like this. Is your protagonist underdeveloped? Are all the cats who dislike your character 'evil', or destined to be evil? Does your character end up having some fantastical power, or becomes 'one of the greatest leaders in the history of BlahClan?' If the answer to all of these questions is yes, you might want to remedy that plot?" Honeyshine says, paws on her hips.

"Who are you taking to?" Brindle asks.

"The viewers, duh," Honeyshine replies, turning to face the brown tabby and white she-cat. Brindle wrinkles her nose.

"What viewers? I don't see them!"

Honeyshine sighs, and puts a paw to her forehead. "Talking about technology would take too much time, I'm afraid." She spins back to the board.

**3. Romantic Sue: A character like this was, like the Self-Insertion Sue, created really for only one purpose. To have—usually multiple—other characters fall in love with her. I can't think of a case where these characters aren't canon, but all the same, I believe Romantic Sue can apply to OC pairings as well as OCxCanon pairings. Romantic Sue is very commonly part of Self-Insertion Sue.**

"Pretty self explanatory," Honeyshine says aloud. "Moving on."

**4. Destiny Sue: This Sue has a great destiny, possibly "one of the greatest destinies evah". They have defeat a great ****villain, and/or save the clans/entire world (you gotta aim high as a Sue :P). They most likely have great powers, too, "the greatest powers evah" even. The writer will describe the plot as "epic", "world-changing", and the "climax of the entire fandom". **

Honeyshine wrinkles her snout. "Soooo, if a summary of your story is somewhere along the lines of 'a prophecy of greater worth than ever before is about to be told, and one cat may hold the greatest destiny ever in their paws', you ought to change up that plot a bit. Destiny Sue isn't as terrible as some of the others, though. I know for a fact GP doesn't mind them, as long as they are solely Destiny Sues, and don't fit the description of the other Sues."

**5. Pure Sue: This character can do no wrong. They are the essence of good, and were possibly sent down from StarClan to cleanse the clans of evil. Any character who remotely dislikes this character is tainted and lowly in some shape or form. This character may be referenced with some forms of Twoleg religion. **

"One distinct example of this type of Sue is Stargleam, who was sometimes referred to as Jesus in Starkit's Prophecy," Honeyshine says dryly, annoyance in her tone. The golden and white she-cat turned to the camera. "These are only a handful of examples of the various forms of 'perfect characters' in existence, but they are the most common in the Warriors fandom. Take note that Stargleam was actually a combination of all of the mentioned Sues, except for possibly Self-Insertion, because the author was most likely a troll. What's a troll you ask? Well, that's a question for another episode!"

"So, let me get this straight," Badgerkit mews, bouncing down from his seat. "These two-legs are apparently making cats, and they're worried about them being too 'perfect?'"

Honeyshine nods briskly. "Yes, that's the general idea."

Badgerkit frowns. "Twolegs are weird."

"I second that!" Fox calls from her seat.

"Alright!" Honeyshine exclaims as she springs back into her chair. "I think this concludes the first episode of The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! Thanks for tuning in, and keep your eyes open for the next episode, which will be titled Prophecies and Powers!"

**Thank you very much, Honeyshine, for an informative episode on Mary-Sues!**

**I hope you all found this first chapter helpful, and that you agree with my points. Like Honeyshine said, the next episode will be about making good, cryptic prophecies. We will be analyzing canon prophecies, and offering pointers to making your own prophecies. We will also put a spotlight on powers (no pun intended), and magic in general. **

**Digital cookies to all viewers! Stay tuned! **


	2. Prophecies and Power Numero Uno

**Welp. This is by far my most popular story. Twelve reviews in one chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long to give you all the second chapter!**

**Now, since this is a spoof, I'm inclined to answer all y'all reviews. **

**SnowSparktheKat: Confetti! First review! You're very welcome, I tried to stop myself from writing this, but instead of writing potentially offensive reviews on other people's stories, I was like, you know what, let's make a random story for all this stuff. I'm glad it seems to be a success. x3**

**Silver Tarot: Ah, yeah. There tends to be a lot of dem Sues in this section, probably because these books are targeted at a younger audience who are just starting out as writers. I know that my first attempts at writing as a tiny child were probably pretty Suefull. Thankfully, I was too shy to share them with other people.**

**Arwenmina: Sapphire blue stuff is probably something I'm going to discuss when I get to Purple Prose. I would let that pass, considering the stuff I've seen on wolf RPs. o.o Those guys' thesaurus's must be in flames, or something. As for the digital cookie recipe, I'm afraid it is not my own. And Honeyshine would probably murder me if I revealed the secret ingredient.**

**Silverstripe689: Thanks! Unfortunately, I doubt this was the swiftest of updates. 3:**

**Shadow765: And I love you, reviewer! **

**jazara evergreen: Why, thank you. I'm sure Honeyshine would appreciate knowing that twolegs enjoy her digital cookies, as well.**

**Amberflame805: I try to be original, so it's good to hear that you think so! Look, here's another chapter!**

**Creekrunner: The term Mary-Sue has just become so bloated and over-used that I kind of had to split them into groups. If you want to see more types, a lot of what I said was inspired by the info on TVtropes. Beware though, that site can suck you in for hours. **

**wildspiritontheloose: Yeah, I've seen things like this before, and I decided to do something that would keep readers entertained, as well as feed them information. Thus, I came up with the idea of a show where cats try to explain things to humans. And yes, I am fourteen. Ever since I was young, I felt like I wanted to be a writer, so I did it all the time. Because of this, I think my writing is usually more advanced than that of others my age. Fox and Brindle are from Beyond Oblivion, a story about the world cats go to after they die in StarClan, or don't believe in any afterlife.**

**Leafelora: Ah, roleplay. I remember the days when I was (illegally, because I wasn't yet thirteen) romping around Warriors role-play. Festered with Sues and cliches, of course, and I kind of gave up on animal role-plays after awhile. I still miss the Warriors roleplaying though, and occasionally stalk them. **

**windflight13: Will do! -salutes-**

**Sivillian: Well, naturally the lone trollfic Gary-Stu ought to be as Stuish as possible. And I do intend on doing a chapter or two later on how to make a good troll-fic! xD I'm looking forward to seeing how you interpret my more serious chapters, though. **

**Now, to the part we all came here for!**

**Warning: This chapter has spoilers for pretty much every Warriors book ever. Except Dawn of the Clans. And some Super Editions. And, of course, all the fanfiction stories. **

**Episode Two: Prophecies and Power Part One**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _The camera slowly came to life, lens whirring into place as it tried to find a focus. Pewter held the twoleg-created device in his paws, a nasty smile on his face. The audience would be unable to see his smirk though, so the joke may end up being lost on them. However, the yellow-eyed tom wasn't too worried about that. Only he had to be laughing.

Carefully, the sneaky cameracat trained his camera on the scene before him on stage. _Oh yes_, Pewter thought. _T__his is going to be so worth it. So worth it. _

A loose semicircle of cats were sitting in red, plush chairs that looked like they'd cost a fortune. Really, it had been Honeyshine who had insisted on having such pieces of luxury to feature the hosts in. _"The audience won't want to watch us if we're sitting in plaid couches! Ugh, just imagine it!" _The glazed wooden floor was looking shiner than ever (cleaned by Pewter, who was apparently the janitor, too), and in the center of the arrangement of chairs was a glass table. Cards were stacked in the middle of the table, and in the paws of the hosts were a hand of cards each. Pewter narrowed his eyes as he concentrated on adjusting the focus so that the viewers would be able to read the labels on the back of the cards.

Many in their comfortable, modern dens would lean forward and squint at the TV in disbelief and wonder as the gray tom finally succeeded. There would be many gasps, cries of dismay, some grumblings about the unreliability of these new up and coming shows ("back in the old days . . ."). But there would be no denying the name of the game.

"Do you have any . . . sevens?"

"Nope. _Go Fish!_"

There would be many groans and face-palms, yes indeed. Pewter knew this all too well, and he couldn't help the smile that began to spread across his features.

Back on stage, Brindle reached forward with stubby legs, a look of great concentration and strain on her face as she tried to snatch the card on the top of the pile. A hiss escaped her, and she ended up batting at the glass table like a kittypet would a ball of yarn. "Ugh, why didn't you make the chairs closer to the table?"

Honeyshine shrugged innocently, and rearranged the cards in her paws. Her fluffy, golden and white fur was looking as shiny as ever, but there was a hard, competitive gleam in the she-cat's eyes. She arched a white brow at Smokepaw, who looked at her with the best poker face he could muster. There was a silent, intense stare-off before Honeyshine finally spoke.

"Smokepaw, do you have any . . . _fours_?"

The gray tom gritted his teeth, but reluctantly handed over his Four of Hearts to the gleeful gold and white she-cat. "Yes!" she shrieked, springing up in her chair, and waving her paws about. "~I've got a boo-ook, I've got a boo-ook, you guys all su-uck, I've got a boo-ok!~" Honeyshine sung mockingly, dancing in her chair.

Fox's lip curled back from her teeth, an expression of great annoyance spreading on her features. "This is utterly ridiculous," the ginger and white she-cat hissed to Brindle in the chair next to hers. The brown tabby and white she-cat had finally managed to snatch a card from the deck, and nodded in agreement.

"I'd rather not ever be reincarnated as a member of the Warrior Clans if this is something they do all the time in StarClan," Brindle said, eying Honeyshine.

The golden she-cat had finally paused in her little victory dance so she could put down her book of fours. "Hah, take that, newbies!"

Pewter had decided he'd gotten a satisfactory amount of content, and looked over at Fell. The white she-cat was sitting on a director's chair next to him, and she grinned when he nodded at her pointedly. The little, white kit promptly grabbed a mic, and cleared her throat rather importantly into it. "_Ahem_."

Every head on stage jerked up and turned around in bewilderment. Honeyshine's gaze was narrowed, her paws on her hips, when she noticed the blinking red light on Pewter's camera. Her mouth dropped open, blue eyes widening. "Pewter!"

"Here, hold this," the gray tom said, handing his camera to Fell. There was an angry screech from Honeyshine back on the set, and Pewter turned and ran for the exit.

"Pewter, I am going to _kill _you!" The golden and white she-cat launched herself off her chair and arched off stage, tearing through the empty audience chairs as she pelted after the gray tom. "Do you have any _idea _how much I spent on getting this show up and running?! We're going to be a freaking laughingstock!"

"I'm sure the press will love it!" Pewter called. "You should see those popular shows! They have ridiculous stuff on every episode!"

The cats on stage stood in their chairs, dumb-founded. The last image the viewers back home would have before the screen suddenly went to black would be Fell's face, as she tapped the camera lens, wondering how in the world to get it to work. For a few moments there would be a bunch of static, and when it cleared, Fox would be sitting in the hostess' chair, Smokepaw, Badgerkit, and Brindle seated around her. They all had blank, disbelieving expressions on their faces, like they'd just witnessed a zombie apocalypse, except for Fox who just looked irritated.

"Hello, and welcome to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction show," Fox said in a slow, monotonous voice. "We hope you all enjoy today's episode; Prophecies and Power."

There was a crash off-stage, and a wild screech of anger. No one on set so much as blinked. Fox looked at the sheet of papers in her hand and flipped to the next page. "First off," she said, continuing her bored, flat voice. "We have a rant from GP about prophecies."

Pewter suddenly appeared, sprinting across the wooden stage like his life depended on it. The short-haired tom somehow managed to look like a spiky, gray bush of fur, his tail puffed out completely. There was a snarl off-stage, and Honeyshine came tearing after him. "Do you realize how _ridiculous _you made me look?"

Badgerkit leaned over to Smokepaw and said something to him under his breath, and the two toms abruptly burst out into peals of laughter.

"Shut your pie-holes!" Honeyshine hissed, skidding to a stop. There was a sigh of relief, and near to the camera, someone muttered something about getting the camera back. The camera angle shifted awkwardly as Fell handed back Pewter his camera, and the tom hesitantly sat in his chair.

"Give me that!" The golden and white snarled at Fox, snatching the papers. The ginger she-cat blinked at her and sprang back in her chair. Honeyshine pulled herself up into her chair, padded her fur down, and cleared her throat.

"**I don't understand where this is coming from, or why so many people this it's such a good idea, but apparently everyone thinks a qualified prophecy needs the suffixes and/or prefixes of the cats involved. It doesn't. In fact, I think it's stupid. People seem to joke all the time about how troll-fics have the most obvious prophecies ever, but what I find is that these people themselves have pretty darn obvious prophecies. For today's episode, I want you all to forget anything you think you know about the prophecies of the Warriors world, and ****learn how to make a proper, more cryptic omen.**"

After reading the excerpt from GP's papers, Honeyshine sprang off her chair, and over to the whiteboard next to the arrangement of red chairs. "Alright, we are going to observe every prophecy from the canon books of Warriors, and run through some rules. Rule one," Honeyshine said, pausing to write down the rule. "Is 'Prefixes and suffixes should be avoided unless the cat in question doesn't have that name yet.'

"For example, the first ever prophecy in the Warriors series, _Fire will save the clan_, contains the prefix 'Fire-', but when the prophecy is revealed, 'Fire' could be any cat. Bluestar was really going on a hunch when she named Rusty Firepaw, and we didn't even know how Firepaw would save the clan. All in all, the prophecy manages to be very cryptic when we first hear it."

"Do we get to say anything?" Badgerkit asked, turning around in his chair.

"Just let me finish, Badgerkit, then we can get to discussions," Honeyshine said testily. "Okay, rule number two, Prophecies can lie and/or have multiple outcomes/meanings." The golden she-cat reached up to squiggle out the next rule with her red marker.

"The second prophecy in Warriors canon was _Four will becomes Two, Lion and Tiger will meet in battle, and Blood will rule the forest. _While a bit confusing at first, this prophecy suggested that WindClan and ThunderClan will join to make one uber-clan called LionClan, and RiverClan and ShadowClan will join to make TigerClan. Both clans would fight, but BloodClan, a clan of rogues Tigerstar had persuaded to help him, would come out on top and rule all the others. In the books, it seemed like this would happen when Scourge killed Tigerstar, and then stole Firestar's life, however, Firestar did not have all his lives taken from him, and managed to alter the outcome of the prophecy.

"We encourage you to try this method of multiple meanings/outcomes the next time you write a prophecy. It gives a feeling of uncertainty, and makes it possible for the bad guy or whatever to reach their goal."

"Anyone else getting a kinda creepy vibe from all of this?" Brindle muttered. "It ruffles my pelt the wrong way to think we're giving twolegs advice to dictate the fate of other cats."

"Whatever, as long as it doesn't involve my fate," Smokepaw declared, curling up in his seat. "Now, when you're done giving your lecture, wake me."

Honeyshine huffed, and went back to writing. "Okay, the next prophecy is from the next generation of Warriors canon. _Darkness, Air, Water, and Sky will come together and shake the forest to its roots. _This time, words were used to substitute for the names of the clans; Shadow, Wind, River, and Thunder. Once again, this prophecy doesn't outright suggest _who _is going on the journey to the Sundrown place, but instead, implements _signs _to show who is supposed to represent each clan.

"Signs aren't used nearly enough in Warriors fanfiction, even though they constitute for most of the omens medicine cats get in the canon series. For example, Mothwing is made a medicine because Mudfur found a moth's wing outside his den. In actuality, Mothwing's brother, Hawkfrost, had put the wing there on purpose so he could get Mothwing to relay false signs.

"Okay, so rule three now would be to remember that there are other ways of getting StarClan to communicate with the clans rather than just having them standing around a random pool, summoning random medicine cats, and reciting random stuff."

"Wait, so is that the generally accepted way your dead spirit cats communicate with the living cats?" Fox exclaimed, sounding amused and disbelieving at the same time.

"Shut up, ginger-face, apparently the twolegs think it's rad," Honeyshine growled. "Do you want me to chase you around the building like I just did with Pewter here? If so, please keep pushing my buttons."

"For the hundredth time," Pewter protested, speaking up. "I thought that seeing you guys doing something funny would up the ratings. If you ever go on the twolegs' video network, you can see a lot of videos of cats doing random things. Twolegs dig it!"

"That's . . . kinda creepy," Badgerkit said, his eyes widening. "What if they're watching us right now?"

"They are, Badgerkit!" Smokepaw snapped. "We're on a show, remember?"

"Oh, right. My bad."

"Can we just stay on track, please?" Honeyshine exclaimed, waving her forelegs.

"You mean just go back to sitting around and doing nothing?" Brindle asked. "What are we even here for, then? Just to look pretty?"

"Precisely!" Honeyshine said, relieved to see someone who understood. She indicated her mouth, and with the edge of her paws, traced her smile. "Maybe a few purrs, too!"

"Okay, this is stupid," Fox said, narrowing her eyes. "Where's that remote so I can check out?"

"You'll never find it!" Honeyshine said gleefully, back to that creepy-happy phase of hers.

"Urrgh, kill me soldier," Fox said to Brindle, putting her paws over her head.

"Roger," Brindle said, saluting her battleleader before tackling her off her red chair. The two she-cats went tumbling across the stage, a whirling ball of fangs and fur.

Honeyshine sighed, rolled her blue eyes, and went back to the board as if nothing happened. "Alright, the next prophecy in the series was _Before there is peace, blood will spill blood, and the lake will run red._ According to GP's notes, this is one of her favorite canon prophecies due to its crypticness. Normally, a person thinks that there would just be some sort of battle, but the clever twist was that it involved _blood_, as in, cats who shared the same blood. Brambleclaw killed his own brother to save Firestar, fulfilling the prophecy. The cool thing about this prophecy was that it could have gone the other way around, and Hawkfrost could've killed Brambleclaw instead. But, since that didn't happen, Tigerstar and his son were thwarted again.

"So, rule number four: prophecies are meant to be misleading. With the blood spill blood thing, cats could've easily misinterpreted the prophecy, which is why it was such a noteworthy omen. Try making your own prophecies misleading, or appearing to have dark endings.

"Now, we come to the next generation after Firestar's children; his grandchildren. There was a prophecy the ginger tom received during his journey to restore SkyClan; _There will be three, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws. _It was believed that Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf were the destined three. However, Hollyleaf didn't seem to have any determinate power, and to the surprise of many, the black she-cat seemingly died in the tunnels underneath the clans.

"Next, we arrive at the second, and last, prophecy in the canon series to outright mention the names of the cats involved. _After the sharp-eyed jay and the roaring lion, peace will come . . . _This is the prophecy Jayfeather received. However, he and his brother still had no idea who the third member of the last prophecy was meant to be. It wasn't until the last part of the prophecy, _peace will come on dove's gentle wing_, was revealed that Jayfeather knew Dovewing was the third cat. Plus, there was the fact she had a power.

"Thus, rule number five should be that it is possible and can even be influential for the recipient of the prophecy to not hear the whole prophecy. Misunderstandings and such can cause a dangerous game of Telephone, and inadvertently cause the prophecy to be fulfilled. Ah, fate is so ironic.

"Anyway, the last prophecy of the series was _The end of the stars draws near. Three must become four to battle the darkness that lasts forever. _While I don't have a lot to say on this prophecy since GP didn't pertain any particular rule to this one, I would like to note that this first part was a big part in the cultivation of her series. The end of the stars could've meant the end of the clans, which is the interpretation that GP went with. Now, let's look at a complete list of all the rules and suggestions GP drew out."

**A Bunch of Rules That Sound Like Dumb Suggestions**

**1. Prefixes and suffixes should be avoided unless the cat involved doesn't have that name yet. Example: Birdpaw is in a prophecy. The prophecy says, _The arrival of frost heralds an unseeable enemy. _When Birdpaw becomes Birdfrost, she has to find a cure to a strange disease taking hold of her clan in the middle of ****green leaf. Now, I bet that wouldn't be the conclusion you would've drawn from just looking at the prophecy, now would it?**

**2. Prophecies can have multiple outcomes. Nothing should be set in stone. **

**3. Never just use the Random Pool, Random Dead Cats, Random Healer, Random Dumb Words scenario. Use omens in the shape of things you find in nature so the medicine cat has to puzzle out the meaning of an object instead of a bunch of "Random Dumb Words". **

**4. Prophecies don't have to make sense, or have one defined meaning. Make them confusing, for StarClan's sake! I would love to see a prophecy that, taken literally, can make me laugh, but in all seriousness is still morbid.**

**5. Play a game of Telephone. Have your prophecy-recepient mishear something or not get the whole can of worms. Do this in a trollfic. Eat fish.**

**6. DON'T MAKE SOMETHING LIKE _The shining honey will defeat the annoying fox _OKAY? OOOOOKAY!? ELEVEN!**

**7. Okaaaaaaay?!**

**8. We're good here?**

**9. Okay, we're good.**

**10. Even if the prophecy in rule number six sounds pretty awesome, you can't do it. Sorry. **

"And there you have it!" Honeyshine exclaimed, beaming at the camera. There was a crash off-stage, and the golden she-cat looked away to see Brindle trying to desperately to pummel the life out of Fox. "Um, I'm afraid that we've run out of time today, and if we don't cut off now, we might lose a hostess. Next time will be part two of Prophecies and Power, where we will discuss prophecies some more, probably, and then talk about powers. Bye bye for now!"

_Click._

**Okay, how was the episode? Do you disagree with the thing that I happened to rant about the most today? Did you think I ranted too much about the obvious prophecies I see all the time? Or do you totally agree, and want to rise up and hit random people with sticks? **

**Over here, I have a plate of those digital cookies you like so much, on this table. If you're hungry, you can have _one_, alright? Badgerkit was hungry when they came out of the oven, and ate like, half the batch, so I don't have a whole lot. **

**Now fly, my pretties fly! Write about how awesome these cookies are! Complain that I didn't give you more, and about the fact that I'm the laziest updater! Rage that this is a two-part episode because I don't feel like writing more! Share your opinions on the characters, the info, and write a story about honey and annoying foxes!***

***You don't actually have to do any of these things. :P**


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